Hi friends,
Last year, 2019, as I hustled in the first full year of my online business as a branding and web designer for creative entrepreneurs, I realized that I was tired of doing #allthethings to build my business. It was wearing me out. The whole process was draining and wasn’t producing the results I had hoped.
I was stretched thin listening to so many people, some I knew and some I didn’t, telling me how I should run my business, how to market, how to do this, how to do that...when none of it felt like me. I felt like I was stuck in the hustle and hustle is so not me. I felt disconnected. And this spilled over into my personal life and emotional life.
I came to the realization that I, and you, don’t have to “hustle” and do everything to try and make a business succeed. You don’t have to be on every social media platform out there, have seven different streams of revenue, doing Facebook and Instagram ads, posting in every group known to man, going to every networking event that exists, and on.
Instead, it’s about doing what works best and what’s most authentic to you and your business.
Part of my plan to stay focused on what truly matters to me and what works best for me and my business comes from the word I’ve chosen to guide me through the year: connection. I want to use this word as motivation, inspiration, and clarity to help me make intentional and mindful decisions and build relationships with others.
Instead of the hustle, I yearn to truly connect with people. Connection is something that’s meaningful for many of us. Whether it’s connecting more deeply with yourself, making time for self-care, connecting with a higher power, or simply connecting with others, wanting to feel connected in life matters to almost everyone.
But what is “connection,” really? Why is it so important to me?
I want to share what connection means to me and why I chose this word for 2020 (a little late, yes, but better late than never!). If you want to create more meaningful connections in your life, I’m hoping this post will give you insight and inspiration to make it happen.
WHAT IS CONNECTION?
As human beings, we are driven to connect with others. You might even say we’re hardwired to connect.
Brene Brown, a professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, specializes in social connection, said in an interview that “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irresistible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to.”
We may think we want money, power, fame, beauty, eternal youth, or a new car, but at the root of most of these desires is a need to belong, to be accepted, to connect with others, and to be loved.
Real connection is more than just talking to others or sharing interests. After all, we can talk to someone about a football team (or whatever subject you want) for over an hour and secretly not even like the person.
Connecting with others is a sense of being open and available to another person, even as you feel they are open and available to you. You also feel empathy and compassion, goodwill to the person you are connecting with.
Have you ever had a personal conversation about what is important to you with someone and you felt listened to and understood?
How about taking the time to listen to someone else and feeling real empathy for them?
Or helping someone else out of unconditional goodwill?
Have you offered sincere gratitude to another person and received gratitude from others?
Caught a stranger's eye and both smiled?
Shared an experience with others that involves laughter and goodwill?
Having deer suddenly show up in front of you while you’re pondering the word connection and all that it means and feeling the connection with the power of the animal?
These are all forms of connection and yes, that last one really did happen to me the other day.
I was out walking in nature by a small river when out of the corner of my eye I caught a slight movement in the thick brush. Watching carefully now, I caught it again and realized it was the flick of a whitetail deer in front of me. I quietly waited and he lifted his head as he realized I was there. A young buck stared at me through the trees, assessing me as to whether I was a threat or not. I stayed quiet and watched. I then noticed movement behind him as two doe came into view grazing on the bushes. He continued to watch me intently.
At that moment, I felt a connection and what that word meant. It can be with animals, with people, with our environment, with whatever we want - but it’s being truly in the moment, aware of the presence of life around you, and letting it fill you.
When we connect with others, we are no longer thinking about what went wrong in the past or worrying about our future. We are fully available to the present moment and to the shared experience we are having with another.
When the buck lowered his head and turned to walk away, I felt profound gratitude for sharing his moment, their moment. I thanked him quietly for the connected experience and walked back to my car.
THE FOUR ELEMENTS OF CONNECTION
Once I decided on focusing on connections this year, I asked myself, “How can I build more connections this year?” As I pondered this, I broke down my word of the year into four different categories which essentially sum up what connection means to me and how to put it into action.
1| COMPASSION
To me, compassion means being less judgmental, more open-minded, and more supportive and encouraging towards myself and others. One way of increasing social connections is through practicing compassion for others as well as ourselves. Sometimes, we judge others before we really get to know them, and we can be our own worst critics, so I want to be kinder, gentler, and more compassionate in the way I approach myself and others.
2| COMMUNITY
Another element of connection is to ask yourself what would make you happy in contributing to your community. Focusing on “what you can give to others” is a proven way to feel both better about yourself and more connected to others. You can also contribute by educating yourself on hobbies or a cause that matters to you. Look for clubs, organizations, regular events, and programs connected with your local community centers, libraries, and schools.
Something I have wanted to do is connect with a charity/non-profit that means a lot to me locally and a portion of my branding and web design sales will go towards that group (once I decide which non-profit, I’ll let you know!). I also want to volunteer at a local non-profit.
3| SELF-CARE
You must know who you are and have confidence in yourself if you desire to connect with others. If you don’t believe in who you are and where you want to lead, life will be tough going. Whether it’s through journaling, reading, meditating, taking long walks, spending time in nature, bubble baths with candles and champagne, or sending flowers to myself, I want to make sure to spend some time with myself and not feel the need to jump on social media with endless scrolling or glorify the “busyness” of daily life. I want to continue to learn about myself, getting to know my strengths and weaknesses, and spending time doing what I love.
4| CONVERSATION
How often do you listen, like really, really listen? How often do you pause and take the time to think about what the other person is trying to say instead of trying to think of something to say? People tend to treat conversation as if it’s a competitive sport, trying to one-up the other person, “win” the debate, or display what they know. But when we compete, we can’t connect.
In today’s world, we’ve never had more excuses not to listen. As technology advances and content explodes, we continue to spread our attention across multiple screens, problems, and people, and often all at once. As a result, attention has become one of the scarcest resources and one of the most valuable. People who truly listen have a unique edge in a world spread thin by distraction.
As Simone Weil writes, “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
By putting our thoughts on hold for the other person, we create more space for them to open up with us. To listen is to be fully present to what someone else is saying, to process their words without distraction, and to seek to understand them before trying to be understood ourselves.
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIND CONNECTION THIS YEAR?
There are a few things I’m doing to connect more with myself and others this year. Connection is how I mindfully run my business now. It is intentional and intuitive. It is being present in the moment. It is listening to my creative business owners with empathy and compassion and insight so that I can help them find clarity and create a visual design and brand that truly captures their business.
If you’re also on a journey to feel more connected to your purpose, to yourself, and to others, I encourage you to think about these four elements and how you can make them happen in your life, too.
Kat
It’s your turn! How are you going to find connection this year? Drop your answer in the comments. (Comments are only available to paid subscribers).
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